


Cookie Crimes

by Nyctolovian



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternative Universe where Nothing Bad Happens, Christmas, Christmas Cookies, Christmas Fluff, Christmas Party, Domestic Fluff, Elias is just a Douche and nothing more, Established Relationship, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Humor, M/M, Office Party, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, food theft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-29
Updated: 2020-10-29
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:55:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,333
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27249154
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nyctolovian/pseuds/Nyctolovian
Summary: If there was anything worse than the horror upon realising Jon didn't celebrate Christmas, it was the end-of-year office parties. Every single office seemed to enjoy torturing their employees by making them spend more time at work under the guise of celebration and bonding. Kinder bosses would let Jon off the hook.Others, like Elias Bouchard, seemed to look right through Jon and pry apart his excuses. That was how Jon found himself standing crossly in the corner of a function room, surrounded by tinny Christmas music and idle chatter.Martin commits Cookie Crimes for Jon because he loves him.
Relationships: Martin Blackwood/Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist
Comments: 12
Kudos: 126





	Cookie Crimes

**Author's Note:**

> Oh wowww 3 fics in a week! What's happening??? Okay, so, apparently my coping mechanism under stress is escapism and fiction. I keep thinking about my OCs and my favourite fictional characters (currently Jon). I may or may not have re-watched anime scenes and listened to anime openings and sobbed like a baby for stress-relief. Gosh I have so much unfinished work that I can't get myself to get D O N E. What is essay-writing? What is report-writing? I do not know them. I probably shouldnt be wasting time like this but alas. 
> 
> I'm honestly a bit sad I couldnt get anything Asexual Week out but whatever. It can be ace week whenever I want it to be. 
> 
> Enjoy this silly fic HAHAHAHA!

Winters were terribly cruel to Jon. To begin with, his stick-thin figure stood little chance against the freezing drafts and freezing cold. Clearly, he was built for tropical climates, where the sun was out all year round and there was none of this dreadful London grey winter nonsense. 

Then, there was Christmas. Raised in an Indian household, Jon had never grown up celebrating the holiday and after becoming an adult, Christmas season only got evermore annoying. There were all the eardrum-grating Christmas songs at every corner, co-workers who exchanged gifts, expecting something in return, and overly cheery Christian people who talked nonstop about their holiday plans and "Oh! What about you? What plans do you have, Jon?"

If there was anything worse than the horror upon realising Jon didn't celebrate Christmas, it was the end-of-year office parties. Every single office seemed to enjoy torturing their employees by making them spend more time at work under the guise of celebration and bonding. Kinder bosses would let Jon off the hook.

Others, like Elias Bouchard, seemed to look right through Jon and pry apart his excuses. That was how Jon found himself standing crossly in the corner of a function room, surrounded by tinny Christmas music and idle chatter. There were several business partners milling about. Jon had no idea what on earth they were doing at an office Christmas party, but Elias seemed pleased with their presence because, like a hawk, he picked Peter Lukas out from a corner of the room for a chat.

Jon's eyes slid across the room and he let out his nth groan of the night. Tim and Sasha weren't here. Lucky bastards. They must have successfully pulled the wool over Elias' eyes. Why couldn't they have taken him along?

"Come on, Jon," Martin said. "You're already here. You might as well enjoy it, you know? Don't be all grouchy."

That only made Jon's frown deepen. He was grateful for his boyfriend for keeping the socialising element to the minimum by simply being there. However, he really wasn't in the mood for optimism tonight. "I can be as grouchy as I want to," he grumbled.

Martin chuckled. "I have a little something that could turn that frown upside down."

Quirking an eyebrow, Jon hummed inquisitively. 

With a small smile, Martin pulled his hand from behind his back and revealed a plate.

Jon's eyes widened. 

Upon it sat a couple of cookies, all in different shapes and colours, two of each to be shared. Some were detailed like the deer ones and others were just yellow-icing slathered on top of star-shaped cookies. Nonetheless, the sight of them delighted Jon. 

The one saving grace to this abhorrent season would definitely be the Christmas cookies. The treats always lit up the inner child in Jon with their wonderful decorations and sweet flavours. 

Grinning like a child at Christmas (hah!), Jon pinched a snowflake-shaped cookie and popped it into his mouth. The sugary icing melted splendidly on his tongue as he chewed the cookie. "You know me too well." 

"Of course I do," Martin replied, pressing a light kiss to the top of Jon's head. Then, he lifted the plate closer to Jon, who grabbed another cookie and savoured it slowly. Soon, the plate was empty as Jon cleaned off the last cookie. 

"How was it?" Martin asked, though the pride in his voice let slip that he already knew the answer.

"The only decent things tonight." He sighed. "I'm getting more of those pine trees. They're mint chocolate."

"Ooh! Your favourite, huh!" Martin teased.

"Yes, yes. I've bad taste in sweets," Jon said, jabbing a finger at Martin's side and hopping out of reach before his boyfriend could retaliate.

"Terrible!" Martin stage-whispered.

Jon rolled his eyes and made a beeline for the tables of food.

Only to be intercepted by a woman. "Jonathan Sims, yes?" she said. 

"Uh…" Jon's eyes darted around nervously. "Yes, I am."

She held out a hand. "Pleasure to meet you. I'm Annabelle Cane."

Elias' instruction of "I expect you to be courteous to my guests, Jon" echoed in his head. He suppressed a sigh at the thought and lied with a sterile smile, "Pleasure to meet you as well." He took the offered hand and gave it a firm shake. 

Miss Cane's smile widened further to show a row of perfect pearly whites. "I hope you don't mind talking for a bit."

* * *

Two full hours.

That was how long "talking for a bit" lasted because apparently talking to Annabelle Cane had sent some sort signal to the rest of the party that Jon was available for conversation. After speaking to Miss Cane, several more people approached him to talk. By the time whatever Torture God of Socialisation deemed it enough small talk and business talk for the night, it was already close to the end of the party. 

A migraine was hammering through Jon's skull and he needed some sugar to beat out the lethargy in his bones. Just as he thought the night couldn't go any worse, when he finally stumbled to the table, he found that it had already been cleared by the caterers.

Naturally, the party's only saving grace was gone as well, leaving Jon with an indescribable emptiness in his chest (and in his belly). He was sulking at the empty table when he felt a tap on his shoulder.

"I thought that those donors were never going to let you go," Martin said, looking around furtively. The function room was mostly empty now with people slowly taking their leave over the course of the night.

Jon groaned. "So did I."

"Want to leave?"

"Yes, please. I'm close to death at this point."

Chuckling, Martin intertwined his fingers with Jon and, together, they left the party. It was already fairly late but there were still a steady stream of people on the trains. It was the weekend right before Christmas after all. It was only towards the end of the ride that the train began to clear.

As Jon sat down on the train seat, he let out an exhausted huff. Christmases were the worst. Far too many niceties were expected from him when he really couldn't be bothered.

Jon tucked his hands under his armpits and buried his nose behind his scarf. It's really too bloody cold. 

Softly, Martin chuckled and pressed his body closer to Jon. Gently, he took Jon's hands and placed them between his to warm them, eliciting a satisfied sigh from his boyfriend.

"Oh!" Martin exclaimed. "I almost forgot." 

Jon was immensely disappointed when Martin's warmth retreated as he rummaged through his bag. As Martin pulled out a large bundle of napkins, Jon cocked his head in befuddlement.

After a furtive look around, making sure they were alone in the carriage, Martin placed the napkin bundle on his lap and gingerly unwrapped it with the tips of his fingers. "Um… Here."

Jon's eyes widened comically and then he burst into peals of laughter.

Cookies. Dozens of cookies. The pine tree ones specifically. 

"Martin, did you steal those?"

His boyfriend's face turned a brilliant shade of red. "I– I just… It's not stealing if we're allowed to eat them!"

"So you thought it alright to just snatch up the entire plate?"

"In my defense, you were still stuck with the donors and they were already clearing the table. I was simply taking the leftovers."

A cat-like grin spread across Jon's face as he hummed teasingly. 

Martin's cheeks puffed with indignation. "Fine! Don't eat them then!" he huffed, folding the napkins.

"Hey," Jon said between laughter, "I'm kidding. I'm kidding." He took a cookie from the pile. "Of course I'll eat the cookies you stole for me."

"I didn't steal," Martin muttered. 

Jon popped the treat into his mouth and bit down. He leaned appreciatively against Martin's shoulder as the cookie melted in his mouth. 

It had gone a little stale but it was just as tenderly sweet as before.

**Author's Note:**

> Idk what came over me. I just thought about what married Martin Blackwood might do for his boyfriend and my mind supplied "theft". This is a frick ton of fluff. Like.... wow. This was entitled "Martin: I will commit crimes for u". Just a fun fact.
> 
> Also, unlike Jon, i actually quite like christmas. But mostly because I get to eat ham lmao. A lot of my friends dont celebrate christmas though so I lowkey took inspiration from that hahah!
> 
> Follow me on [tumblr](https://nyctolovian.tumblr.com). Drop some kudos or comments! I'm also organising a[Valentine's Exchange](https://tma-valentines-exchange.tumblr.com/). so uhhhh yeah! Join if you want!


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